Author: Sr. Staff Writer

New York, NY — In its latest effort to increase public safety and revenue simultaneously, New York City has launched a new AI-powered surveillance system that officials claim can detect “not just crimes, but also the intent to commit a vibe.” Mayor Adams announced the pilot program during a press conference flanked by three NYPD…

Washington, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s Military Parade took an unexpected detour today when the military band leading the parade mistook a poorly marked intersection for a highway on-ramp and ended up circling an Arby’s drive-thru for nine minutes. Witnesses say Trump, riding in a custom golf cart wrapped in gold foil and labeled “Commander…

Hoboken, NJ — In a bold rejection of traditional campaign norms, local dad Mitch Rosenbaum has launched his bid for New York City Mayor — from the comfort of his New Jersey basement. “I’m not stepping foot in Manhattan until I fix it,” Rosenbaum told reporters via a grainy Zoom call. “It’s chaos out there.…