Category: Uncategorized
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“NYC Unveils New AI Surveillance That Can Detect Crimes, Bad Vibes, and Gluten Intolerance”
New York, NY — In its latest effort to increase public safety and revenue simultaneously, New York City has launched a new AI-powered surveillance system that officials claim can detect “not just crimes, but also the intent to commit a vibe.” Mayor Adams announced the pilot program during a press conference flanked by three NYPD…
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Trump’s Military Parade Goes Sideways After Marching Band Takes Wrong Turn Into Arby’s Drive-Thru
Washington, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s Military Parade took an unexpected detour today when the military band leading the parade mistook a poorly marked intersection for a highway on-ramp and ended up circling an Arby’s drive-thru for nine minutes. Witnesses say Trump, riding in a custom golf cart wrapped in gold foil and labeled “Commander…
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“NJ Dad Declares Candidacy for NYC Mayor, Plans to Fix City Without Setting Foot in It”
Hoboken, NJ — In a bold rejection of traditional campaign norms, local dad Mitch Rosenbaum has launched his bid for New York City Mayor — from the comfort of his New Jersey basement. “I’m not stepping foot in Manhattan until I fix it,” Rosenbaum told reporters via a grainy Zoom call. “It’s chaos out there.…